The Ashtray Bandit

So there is this lady at work who I have seen pilfering the ashtrays outside. It happens on a regular basis, enough so that I don't really notice it anymore. However, I typically am not there when she is in the act of pilfering. Well yesterday was different, I was just walking up there and she was there. I ignored her and let her go about her disgusting business. I pulled out my pack o smokes and was packing them (it was a new pack) and was opening it when she asked me for a cigarette. Being the asshole that I am, I said no, with a smile. And she gets all pissed off, says fuck you. My smile disappeared.

'Excuse me?' I said
'I said fuck you you cheap selfish bastard' she said over bad teeth. Thank god I was not close enough to smell that nastiness
'Let me get this straight, you are going to be rude to me when I choose not to share a smoke when you are obviously doing well enough for yourself you pathetic piece of human shit. No, fuck you. Get the fuck out of here before I call the cops and have you arrested for trespassing'
The look on her face changed and she turned to walk away, mumbling something.
'What was that ashtray bandit? You have something to say?'
She didn't say anything and went and got on her bike. Right before riding away she gave me the finger.
'Thank you!' I yelled after her.

Ahhhhhhh, how to make the day go by better.