Maggot Ridden Religious Soapbox Part 1
Recently, our door has been plagued by the Witnesses, so we did a little research to see what it is they actually believe. OMG these have to be the most fucked in the head group of people I have heard of, and believe me, I have heard of quite a few. I have added my comments to each one.
1. Jehovah God is not a Trinity
Going against every other Christian denomination... there's a good idea
2. The doctrine of the Trinity is inspired by Satan
See #1... that and this is blasphemy... good job guys
3. Jesus Christ is a created being, who at one time did not exist (a.k.a.Michael the archangel)
OK, so the primary stories of the new testament, Mary and Joseph etc, are now defunct
4. The Holy Spirit is not a person but is "God's active force" i.e. gravity, electricity etc.
LMAO... OK give a name to science.
5. Heaven is only for select Jehovah's Witnesses
As many other religeons believe... not really a surprise here
6. Heaven is limited only to 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses
How the fuck do they pick this number? With a current active membership of about 4mil, just gotta make you feel like 'Well, I'm fucked anway..."
7. Jehovah's Witnesses are the only true Christians
By their own defenition, they cannot even be Christians... morons
8. There is no Hell (It is simply the grave)
See #6
9. There is no life after death (except for the 144,000)
Kinda defeats one of the primary purposes for religeon now doesn't it?
10. Salvation is by good works not by Grace
Another contradiction to te teachings of Christ
11. You cannot be sure of salvation
Anoter contradiction to the teachings of Christ
12. Jesus is not to be worshiped or prayed to
And they call theselves Christians?
13. Jesus did not rise from the dead bodily but as a spirit being
This is a gray area for many denominations
14. You are discouraged from attending college
Yep, keep em dumb... easier to control
15. The "first resurrection" occurred in 1918
LOL... OK so do they have film of this?
16. All pastors are the "Antichrist"
OK, I might agree with them on Catholic preists...
17. All churches are of Satan
Other Christians of the world better hope these bastards do not get militant
18. All governments are controlled by Satan
OK, well, if they are refering to the free masons... I will give them that one.
19. You cannot take a blood transfusion
No... don't treat me, let me die. This whole doctrine of theirs is based on a passage in the new testament which refers to no longer taking blood sacrifice.
20. You cannot be a police officer
This is actually a blessing to the rest of us.
21. You cannot salute the flag, stand for the national anthem, or own a flag
Oh yeah... well then get the fuck out.
22. You cannot serve in the military
Again, get the fuck out. Pussies.
23. You cannot buy girl Scout cookies
This in itself is sacrilidge. Who doesn't buy GS cookies? I have to have thin mints damnit
24. You must attend five meetings per week
Well, at least they are not as bad as AA.
25. Jesus'second coming occurred in 1914 (only known to Jehovah's Witnesses)
Oh yeah, so who was resurected in 1918?
26. You cannot marry a non-Jehovah's Witness
Keep it in the family
27. If one does not follow the rules of the Watchtower they will be shunned
Sounds like the eye from LotR to me.
28. You cannot read Christian literature from a Christian book store
Shut down any type of thought outside the box
29. You cannot be a cheerleader
Again, a blessing to the rest of us.
30. You cannot celebrate any holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc.)
While, I can see the logic and how much money this would save, this is not good for the kids.
31. You cannot celebrate your birthday
Fuck that.
32. You cannot run for or hold a political office
Another blessing to the rest of us.
33. You cannot vote in any political campaign
These people should not be citizens, they should not be ALLOWED to vote.
34. You cannot serve on a jury
Another blessing to the rest of us.
35. You are discouraged from giving to charity (except Watchtower causes)
Selfish bastards.
36. You cannot speak to former members who are shunned (disfellowshipped)
And those former members I am sure appreciate this.
37. You cannot accept Christmas gifts
Good
38. You must read and study Watchtower literature regularly
Let us tell you how to think.
39. Only Jehovah's Witnesses can understand the Bible
Apparently they read something other than what the rest of the world has read. They are so wrong in this.
40. Angels direct the Watchtower organization
LOL... yeah, OK. Angles that appear in the midst of a paranoid delusion.
41. Jesus did not die on a cross but an upright pole
Romans did not impale, they crucified. History supports crucifiction. Morons.
42. You cannot own or wear a cross
Blah blah blah
43. You must report your witnessing activity to the elders
Keep in line soldier... I mean whiney assed, mind fucked, non-American idiots
44. You must go from door to door weekly to gain converts
Just to make sure the entire world is always at least annoyed with you.
45. You cannot have friends who are not Jehovah's Witnesses
Wouldn't want you to get new ideas from the outside
There are 101 of these, so I will do the rest in a future post. Right now there is something more important to rant about than a bunch of mind control freaks.
1. Jehovah God is not a Trinity
Going against every other Christian denomination... there's a good idea
2. The doctrine of the Trinity is inspired by Satan
See #1... that and this is blasphemy... good job guys
3. Jesus Christ is a created being, who at one time did not exist (a.k.a.Michael the archangel)
OK, so the primary stories of the new testament, Mary and Joseph etc, are now defunct
4. The Holy Spirit is not a person but is "God's active force" i.e. gravity, electricity etc.
LMAO... OK give a name to science.
5. Heaven is only for select Jehovah's Witnesses
As many other religeons believe... not really a surprise here
6. Heaven is limited only to 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses
How the fuck do they pick this number? With a current active membership of about 4mil, just gotta make you feel like 'Well, I'm fucked anway..."
7. Jehovah's Witnesses are the only true Christians
By their own defenition, they cannot even be Christians... morons
8. There is no Hell (It is simply the grave)
See #6
9. There is no life after death (except for the 144,000)
Kinda defeats one of the primary purposes for religeon now doesn't it?
10. Salvation is by good works not by Grace
Another contradiction to te teachings of Christ
11. You cannot be sure of salvation
Anoter contradiction to the teachings of Christ
12. Jesus is not to be worshiped or prayed to
And they call theselves Christians?
13. Jesus did not rise from the dead bodily but as a spirit being
This is a gray area for many denominations
14. You are discouraged from attending college
Yep, keep em dumb... easier to control
15. The "first resurrection" occurred in 1918
LOL... OK so do they have film of this?
16. All pastors are the "Antichrist"
OK, I might agree with them on Catholic preists...
17. All churches are of Satan
Other Christians of the world better hope these bastards do not get militant
18. All governments are controlled by Satan
OK, well, if they are refering to the free masons... I will give them that one.
19. You cannot take a blood transfusion
No... don't treat me, let me die. This whole doctrine of theirs is based on a passage in the new testament which refers to no longer taking blood sacrifice.
20. You cannot be a police officer
This is actually a blessing to the rest of us.
21. You cannot salute the flag, stand for the national anthem, or own a flag
Oh yeah... well then get the fuck out.
22. You cannot serve in the military
Again, get the fuck out. Pussies.
23. You cannot buy girl Scout cookies
This in itself is sacrilidge. Who doesn't buy GS cookies? I have to have thin mints damnit
24. You must attend five meetings per week
Well, at least they are not as bad as AA.
25. Jesus'second coming occurred in 1914 (only known to Jehovah's Witnesses)
Oh yeah, so who was resurected in 1918?
26. You cannot marry a non-Jehovah's Witness
Keep it in the family
27. If one does not follow the rules of the Watchtower they will be shunned
Sounds like the eye from LotR to me.
28. You cannot read Christian literature from a Christian book store
Shut down any type of thought outside the box
29. You cannot be a cheerleader
Again, a blessing to the rest of us.
30. You cannot celebrate any holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc.)
While, I can see the logic and how much money this would save, this is not good for the kids.
31. You cannot celebrate your birthday
Fuck that.
32. You cannot run for or hold a political office
Another blessing to the rest of us.
33. You cannot vote in any political campaign
These people should not be citizens, they should not be ALLOWED to vote.
34. You cannot serve on a jury
Another blessing to the rest of us.
35. You are discouraged from giving to charity (except Watchtower causes)
Selfish bastards.
36. You cannot speak to former members who are shunned (disfellowshipped)
And those former members I am sure appreciate this.
37. You cannot accept Christmas gifts
Good
38. You must read and study Watchtower literature regularly
Let us tell you how to think.
39. Only Jehovah's Witnesses can understand the Bible
Apparently they read something other than what the rest of the world has read. They are so wrong in this.
40. Angels direct the Watchtower organization
LOL... yeah, OK. Angles that appear in the midst of a paranoid delusion.
41. Jesus did not die on a cross but an upright pole
Romans did not impale, they crucified. History supports crucifiction. Morons.
42. You cannot own or wear a cross
Blah blah blah
43. You must report your witnessing activity to the elders
Keep in line soldier... I mean whiney assed, mind fucked, non-American idiots
44. You must go from door to door weekly to gain converts
Just to make sure the entire world is always at least annoyed with you.
45. You cannot have friends who are not Jehovah's Witnesses
Wouldn't want you to get new ideas from the outside
There are 101 of these, so I will do the rest in a future post. Right now there is something more important to rant about than a bunch of mind control freaks.
posted by RamblingMaggot at 6:56 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home